Why Your Team Sucks 2. Los Angeles Chargers. Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
Read all the previews so far here. Your team: San Dieg … oh. Oh, right. I have a friend who was a San Diego Chargers fan and disavowed them after the move. But I had COMPLETELY forgotten about all that by April, and texted him for his reaction when they drafted Mike Williams. Like, “Ya like the pick?”- type garbage. Do NOT do this to a former Chargers fan. They don’t forgive you for this kind of oversight. I am a bad friend. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 5- 1. And I think we all remember the best part of it: What a moment. Oh, and I guess there was some football stuff too. Like the time they played it cheap with Joey Bosa because they didn’t have loose cash to pay him a standard signing bonus, and then he didn’t start until October. Or the time they saved the Browns from going 0- 1. Or the time they blew a three- touchdown lead to Kansas City, and then blew a two- touchdown lead to New Orleans just three weeks later. Or the botched snap against Oakland. You will never find a more entertainingly shitty team than these Chargers. They choke. They masturbate. Free Sex, Free Porn, Free Direct Download. Samantha Rone - Play With Me In The Shower Oral fixation has come to a all time high! They lose in downright EROTIC fashion. If there are five minutes left in a Chargers game, stop whatever you’re doing and get your ass to a TV, because you are about to witness professional incompetence at its finest: Jesus. I wouldn’t trust the Chargers to protect a sack of groceries. They can’t even roll out a new logo without fucking it up. Anyway, this team’s torturous last season in San Diego was presided over by local golf pro Mike Mc. Coy, whose only idea to stave off crushing last- second losses was to yell at the kicker. He’s gone now, replaced by …Your coach: Uh … who was it? They hired someone, right? God, I’m drawing a blank here. Was it a Ryan brother? No, that doesn’t sound right. I know they didn’t hire a Gruden. I would have remembered that. God dammit …[checks]Oh right! They hired Anthony Lynn, architect of the powerhouse that was the 2. Buffalo Bills offense. The Bills ranked 3. In Lynn’s only game as interim head coach, they got outscored 3. Jets. I’m at a loss here. This guy must have been a hell of an interview. He must have done a bunch of awesome coin tricks, or slipped Charlize Theron’s number to Dean Spanos or something. One of his first moves as Chargers head coach was to forbid Philip Rivers and Antonio Gates from going to La. Dainian Tomlinson’s Hall of Fame induction. Such a strong move. No better way for a rookie coach to endear himself to a team than by treating its two most respected veterans and family men like children. Your quarterback: Now that Tony Romo has retired, I think it’s time we pay some long overdue attention to Marmalard’s penchant for committing horrific, backbreaking turnovers at the exact wrong moment: This man turned the ball over 3. He has taken the Chargers to as many Super Bowls as Ryan Leaf. The only reason Philip Rivers doesn’t get as much as shit as Eli Manning is because he doesn’t look like Eli Manning. But that old- timer can derp away a game with the best of them. And he’s only getting older. I look forward to seeing him back in the two- minute drill this fall, forcing throws into triple coverage while his knees are wrapped in construction scaffolding. What’s new that sucks: RIP San Diego Chargers 1. You will always be remembered fondly as the team that never won anything and had all its players die young. But all things must pass, and thus the Chargers have headed north to be reborn as the OTHER team that LA doesn’t want. After San Diego voters told the team get fucked, owner and Third- String Bad Guy In A Lethal Weapon Film Dean Spanos exercised his option to move to L. A. and be Stan Kroenke’s designated cuckboy for time eternal. Imagine that. Imagine somehow being less relevant than the RAMS, of all teams. NFL owners worship money like it’s a Mayan deity and even THEY thought this move was a horrible, awful idea that could do enormous long- term damage to the sport. But Spanos moved anyway, if only so he could finally realize his dream of becoming the NFL’s West Coast answer to Stephen Ross: using his ownership of a team to curry favor with D- list celebs and dipshit posers. Look at my man trying to go full El Lay and dressing like he’s on the red carpet for the premiere of My Cousin Vinny 2: “I’m L. A. now, guys!” Dean Spanos is perhaps the best example of the world’s billionaire problem, a man whose wealth is no match for his irrationality. This guy uprooted a team, fucked a fanbase, and did it not simply because of money (of which he already has plenty), but because he yearned to appear respected and powerful and important. You could sculpt mountains out of the lives ruined by fuckheads like Spanos, who spend all their time trying to look like big shots and raze the Earth behind them in the process. In reality, he’ll never be anything more than a pathetic trust fund baby. He can go to hell. He’s sure got the right team for the journey. On the field, the team drafted Mike Williams (the NFL’s 9. Mike Williams, by my count) even though receiver was arguably one of their stronger areas. Williams is now feared to be lost for the season. Second round linemen Forrest Lamp already tore his ACL. JESUS. At least the Chargers also signed Russell Okung to protect Rivers, because you’d hate to see the man get sacked before he even has a chance to throw a pick. Also, since the Rams new stadium has already been delayed due to a surprisingly woke God, the Chargers will be forced to play for at least three seasons in the 3. Legal Scalper Center. I can think of no greater metaphor for America’s collective indifference to the Chargers than the idea of them playing on a soccer field. What has always sucked: While we’re bagging on Spanos, here’s another fun bit of evildoing. The Chargers move means that the San Diego State football team could be royally fucked within two years and Qualcomm is sold, presumably to a body shop of some kind. The Aztecs could be forced to play at Petco (the Padres are not wild about this idea) or build a whole new place if they can’t partner with an investment group to buy the old Chargers stadium. So there you have it. Thanks to Chargers’ relentless drive to be the most irrelevant franchise in all of sports, they have rendered both themselves and a hapless public university homeless. Did you know? Philip Rivers has more children than new backup Cardale Jones has completions. THE MORE YOU KNOW. What might not suck: This guy: HEAR IT FROM CHARGERS FANS! Stephen: Dean Spanos. Alex: Eat all the Shit you fat fuck. Jay: I almost rage punched my monitor typing out the team name there in the header. Rich: Here’s the thing about the Chargers as an organization: Fuck the Chargers. Double fuck the entire Spanos family. Here’s a relocation idea: put them all into a rocket ship and shoot them directly at the sun. Robert: I put up with their bullshit for all of my life and they just up and left town. So Dean Spanos can get a burning taint rash and I hope they go 0- 1. Brett: Watching this team leave for LA has been the spiritual equivalent of passing a 5. James: Anyone still wearing Chargers gear in San Diego should be thrown off the Coronado Bridge. Justin Halpern: People keep asking me if I’m going to still root for the Chargers now and I say no. And then they say “But what if they fucking kill it this year!” and then I know I’m talking to someone who has a child’s mind and has never actually watched one moment of Chargers football. Look, if they went to the Super Bowl and old Phil was throwing touchdowns to Demarcus Orange (This is not a real player but by the end of the year, when EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SKILL PLAYER ON THE CHARGERS IS INJURED, I promise you he will be throwing to a wide receiver who is named something like this), then yeah, I’m only fucking human, I will probably end up rooting for the team that I have obsessed over for thirty plus years. And I will not feel guilty about it, because why the fuck do I not deserve joy? But here’s the thing: IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The Chargers CAN NEVER NOT CHARGER. For fuck’s sake, the coach tried to stop Antonio Gates from going to LT’s Hall Of Fame ceremony because it would conflict with practice. Antonio Gates is 3. You don’t need to practice that shit. Country Music | Old Time Radio. CD Type: MP3 CD. Instant Download. Audio CDTitle Popularity Episodes MP3 CDs Price 4 Episodes. Volume. 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